How I Wrote This: A Night at a Polyamorous Dating Show
"We're bringing you the hottest, most emotionally stable poly people in Brooklyn," per the show's host.
This one’s a fun one! I recently wrote a story about “Poly Poly Oxen Free,” a live polyamorous dating show in Brooklyn, for Gothamist. The best part, as you’ll read more about below, is that I got to watch the show IRL, which always lends itself to colorful details you just can’t get elsewhere.
How I came up with the story idea:
I first met Rose Oser, the creator and host of “Poly Poly Oxen Free,” while reporting for another story about how Gen Z is turning to matchmaking instead of dating apps, which was published on PS (f.k.a. PopSugar). Back in April, I had interviewed them about the first show they created, “Tinder Disrupt,” where friends pitch their friends on stage using a PowerPoint presentation. During our interview, Rose mentioned a new show they were launching in May, “Poly Poly Oxen Free,” which is a polyamorous riff on “Tinder Disrupt” where someone’s current partner pitches them to help them find other dates.
The premise of the live dating show was intriguing, especially with all the mainstream media discourse around polyamory of late.
How I pitched it:
I pitched the idea of a story about a new poly dating show to the culture & arts editor at Gothamist, whom I started chatting with while I was applying to an open role at the publication. I figured it would be a good place for the story, which focused on a hyper-local event in NYC that touches on the bigger trend of a rising interest in polyamory.
Back in July, the editor and I chatted about various story ideas I had on the phone. She was especially interested in a story about “PPOF,” and asked me to send a three-liner summarizing the pitch. This is what I pitched to the editor:
This 650-word story will be about Poly Poly Oxen Free, a live dating show where partners pitch one of their partners to the crowd, and explore polyamory's appeal and how different people approach their relationships. I'll interview Rose Oser, the dating show's host and producer, as well as a couple of participants and their partners. The next Brooklyn show sadly isn't until sometime in September, but Rose said she'll let me know the specific date as soon as she nails it down.
(We ended up postponing the story until October because of scheduling stuff.)
The editor also asked me for a nut graf to get a better sense of the ever-important question of: why this story, and why now? After jumping on a quick pre-interview with Rose to get more detail, this is what I sent back as my nut graf:
Poly Poly Oxen Free debuted earlier this year as polyamory emerged in the mainstream media, thanks to reality TV shows like “Couple to Throuple” and buzzy memoirs. There’s also been an uptick in openness to polyamory among daters: About one-third of polled singles said they’ve had a consensually polyamorous relationship, Match’s 2024 Singles in America study found. Meanwhile, Feeld, a dating app for people interested in alternative relationship models, reported a 500% increase over the last three years in the number of users including the terms “ethically non-monogamous” and “polyamorous” in their profiles.
Poly Poly Oxen Free is proof of this surge in interest. Rose Oser, the live dating show’s host and producer, said its three shows in New York and San Francisco so far have sold out. Most of the audience are poly or poly-curious, though Oser said they've seen people outside the non-monogamous community come to support the participants. Oser said there’s also been a steady increase in the number of applications, too: The latest Brooklyn show had around 50 applicants, with just five selected as participants.
You’ll notice that a lot of the nut graf ended up in the final story.
My favorite part of this story:
The best part about reporting on a local event is that you get to (and should!) attend it! I went to watch the October show of “PPOF” at Brooklyn Art Haus, an awesome and inclusive performance arts space in Williamsburg. I had an utter and absolute blast as part of the audience, hooting and cheering along with everyone else in support of the folks on stage, while, of course, scribbling notes on my notepad in the semi-darkness.
What got left on the cutting room floor:
Luckily, there weren’t any major edits to the first draft of the story, which I kept largely focused on the event and the quotes I got from interviews with Rose and a couple of the other contestants.
There were, however, a bunch of amazing, colorful details from the show I didn’t get to include for brevity’s sake, like the fact that Rose kind of reminded me of an openly-poly, redheaded Cate Blanchett in a vest, or the hilarious challenge the contestants in the Poly Pool had to do on stage, like sing lullabies to the Catch (the person being pitched) or ad lib replies to fictional texts from the Catch. You just had to be there to see it.
Read this: “A night at ‘Poly Poly Oxen Free,’ Brooklyn’s newest polyamorous dating show” (Gothamist)
Loved the behind the scenes! TIL what a nut graf is :)